Romelu Lukaku is only signing a new contract with Everton because he is suffering from Stockholm Syndrome, medical professionals have confirmed.
The 23 year old striker, who is clearly far too good to be at a club like Everton, had no idea what was going on when he was the victim of human trafficking from Belgium to Everton via Chelsea and West Brom.
Psychiatrist, Dr Schneider, said: “The signing of a new contract is clearly symptom of the coping mechanism that Romelu is employing to convince himself that he is at everton of his own free will, and not, in fact, trapped in the north of England being forced to play for a team with zero chance of winning anything.
“It’s perfectly understandable that someone in such dire circumstances would create an alternate reality that is easier to accept.”
Lukaku said: “I love it here at Everton. I never want to leave. Everton loves and cares about me. Winning stuff doesn’t matter.”