Using a grandparent who used to live in the same city as a successful football team is a legitimate reason to abandon your local team, it has emerged.
Instead of embracing the trauma of supporting a team without a wealthy owners and over spilling trophy cabinets, children engaging with the sport for the first time will instead research their family trees extensively in order to find the best chance of experiencing glory.
New Manchester United fan, Scott Jobson, said: “Some loser from Welling United came to our school and said we should all get behind the local team on Saturday afternoons.
“But I was like f*ck that. My Grandad lived in Manchester between March and August of 1973, so I’m basically Mancunian.”
Mr Jobson’s friends informed us that he has now begun saying “we” and “us” when talking about United, as though he’s one of the sh*tting players, even though he’s never been north of the M25.