Mourinho: “Bullsh*t Manchester Makes Me Really F*cking Happy, Honest!”

Manchester United boss, Jose Mourinho, has confirmed that he really loves living in bullsh*t City of Manchester, it has emerged.

The ‘Special One’ said he had no idea why people have got the impression that he hates living in “this dreary northern sh*t hole, up in the arse-end of the country.”

Mourinho confirmed: “Who doesn’t love 360 days of rain per year? It’s just like living in Edinburgh, except you don’t have to put up with any of the interesting culture.

“And no, I don’t miss seeing the sun every so often. To be honest I’ve forgotten what that’s like. That’s the great thing about Manchester. It’s one less thing to worry about.”

He added: “Who would want to live in London anyway? Not me, that’s for sure. I certainly don’t miss that bloody voyeur, Arsene Wenger, bumping into him up the Shard!”

The press conference was then cut short as Mourinho confirmed he had some stardust in his eyes which was causing them to start watering. He definitely wasn’t crying, he confirmed.


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