Sam Allardyce Wows Palace’s American Owners by Claiming to Know the Queen

Sam Allardyce has wowed Crystal Place’s American owners by claiming to know Queen Elizabeth, it has emerged.

In a meeting in at a hotel in London, Allardyce claimed that he would be the right man to replace Pardew at Palace and that “he knows the queen really well.”
Palace owner Joshua Harris said: “I was really impressed by Sam. He told me about how he knew the queen personally and if I gave him the job he could probably arrange for me to meet her for just £400,000!”
“He also said some sh*t about how he could be a keynote speaker and bypassing rules on transfers and stuff for cash too, but I’m not interested in that – I just want to meet the queen!”
American co-owner David Blitzer added: “I was a bit put off by the weird impressions he kept doing of a guy called ‘Woy Hodgson’ – and then laughing at his own joke, but I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt because of the queen thing – apparently he’s always popping over to Buckingham Palace!”
“Sam also said he knows James Bond too and is going to introduce us to him as well!”
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